Today I’m excited to share a big “AH-HA” moment I had this week during my morning meditation.
Have you ever noticed that Life teaches you just what you need to know when you need to know it? Or have you ever received something you needed at exactly the right moment? It’s easy to think that what you need to know and have are somewhere “way out there” in the distance. In this post, we’ll explore why what you need may be right in front of your nose.
To share this insight, I’d like to tell a brief personal story:
Matt Clarkson and I have been working on a new program about inner clearing. We’ve been at it for close to a year now. I should have known that a program about inner clearing would challenge me to clear out my own “stuff.”
Here’s a few things I’ve discovered:
Because of my more introverted nature and esoteric interests such as meditation, t’ai chi, qigong, and kriya yoga, I’ve often felt like “an outsider.” I’ve developed a belief that “I don’t fit in.” While my inner experiences are vivid for me, I’ve struggled to put them in words to connect with others. This had led me to a further belief that “I’m not good at communicating in social situations.”
When I believe those things, I feel sad and inadequate. To protect my vulnerability, I notice myself getting angry. This can lead me to behave arrogantly and argumentatively. When others “don’t get what I’m saying” I can get self-righteous and think that my experience is “right” and they are being “superficial.” However, mostly, I keep these feelings inside, because that’s not how I want to be and, well, because I’m a little more introverted than most. 🙂
Now, I’m not proud of this self-righteous pattern, nor does it do me or anyone else any good. It creates interpersonal distance and sets the stage for conflict.
In creating this new program, Matt and I have had a few tense moments because of my tendency to “want to say things my way.” He “nudges” me to keep rewriting to express these inner processes in a way that really connects to our readers. That’s exactly what I need and it pushes my buttons about “not fitting in” and “not being able to express what’s important to me in a way that others get it.”
Anyway, this week during meditation I had a major “AHA” about this whole thing. It came crystal clear to me in a way that it never had before. I was able to see this self-righteous pattern, and the beliefs, feelings, and behaviors that support it, in a way that made me firmly decide “not to do that anymore.” In that moment, the pattern seemed to dissolve. I felt lighter, freer, and clearer than ever. I realized that effectively sharing inner practices is a real challenge for me and it’s a challenge that I want to master.
Life is a mirror. It puts your inner world out in front of you so you can discover “who you are” and “what you are here to do.” What we experience “out in the world” is related to what we are doing inside—what we are thinking, feeling, and believing. This is a way Life teaches us.
So the question is:
What is Life showing you about yourself right now?
In other words, what do your current experiences tell you about what you are thinking, feeling, and believing?
I’d love to hear your experiences with this insight in the Comments below.
P.S. At Spiritual Growth Monthly we explore insights and meditations to support your personal breakthroughs.